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I'm still chained with my own shackles of addiction.

This is my first time posting. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right either. So excuse me if I'm wrong. 
I've never been to a NA meeting. I want to go but am scared to go alone. I know until I do then ill never get a sponsor nor will I find my recovery. Yes, I'm still an active user. I don't want to be. I miss my 14 month old daughter and want to see and hold her. I'm tired of being a slave to heroin. 
I have been studying the steps. I know a person shouldn't until they have a sponsor. But is it still wrong of me to study it on my own so when I do find a sponsor then ill already done some research on my own. Is that not something I should continue doing ?  I just don't want to get yelled at if I do. Because I do plan on attending a meeting and finding a sponsor one day. Thank you for listening.
Step Number: 
Qu1f1re's picture
About Qu1f1re

I'm 36 years old. I live in Los Angeles county California. I'm not married, unemployed and not attending any school. I have a 14 month old daughter whom I'm being kept away from and because of that I cry and when I cry I hate myself and when I hate myself I then run to drugs. It's that vicious cycle again. I have a boyfriend of two years and I live with my life partner whom is my 3year old Bull Terrier. Did I mention I'm also 2 months pregnant. That's why I need help with getting clean. I am a patient at the Methadone clinic but that doesn't help me enough. I guess my DOC are heroin and methamphetamine and I also do the Methadone too. I really want help with my addictions. Because I really miss my daughter. I never been to a NA meeting but want to go if someone would go with me ! I'm a good girl. I don't disrespect and live drama free. I go by Jesus's motto as "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". And I believe that to the core of me.I'm a great friend and a good listener. So if anyone ever needs to talk to someone, I can be that someone. I've heard that I give out really good advice. So don't be shy, I won't be mean. I'll be nice, I swear. I just look mean.!


custodian's picture

Can I make a suggestion? 

Call your NA hotline in your local city. You can find it on the internet. Ask the person that you need someone to go with you to the meeting. Ask for a woman. Let us know here if you need anything. 

Why waiting? go today if you can. That is how we all started

Qu1f1re's picture

I never knew that is something that I could do. I've asked on Facebook and on Support and no luck. I guess no one wanted to go with a stranger. Even though I'm a girl. Thank you so much. I will take your advice and let you know how it goes. Thank you again.  Bye.!

It only gets worse before it gets better

custodian's picture

Please do