My chaos

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Ms. Dee's picture
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What does unmanageability mean to me?

To me when my life is unmanageable. The bills are not paid, I'm surrounded in chaos and violence, be it verbal or physical. I'm a mess mentally, physically and spirituality. I can't think clearly, I'm overwhelmed, the house is a mess and I'm exhausted from depression. My answer to everything is get high. My world revolves around finding drugs the ritual of using drugs and starting the cycle all over again. I failed to take care of my hygiene, most responsibility, I care for my pets as far as their food water and bathroom needs barely. However I don't pay attention to them unless I'm sad or crying an need their comfort. My focus used to be my husband making sure his addiction was fed so he was not angry sick or sad. To the extent I gave myself to the drug because he wanted company. Now I Stand Alone with my higher power and a fresh opportunity at life. I'm finding even sober life can quickly become unmanageable but as I learn coping skills that "unmanageability" is slowly becoming less chaotic and my ability is growing to handle situations one by one.

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