How am I powerless

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asobermamaw's picture
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The disease of addiction
What does "the disease of addiction" mean to me?

  The disease of addiction means to me to never have another easy day. To never have another day free from thinking about getting and using drugs. The disease of addiction is like a death sentence to me. As i was growing up playing house with my cousins I always wanted to play the things I saw my parents do. Those things just happend to have been popping pills and downing booze. So I'd pretend my apple juice was beer and my m and m's were pills. I would act drunk. I remember it vividly. I believe that I was born an addict because I didn't have a prayer to not be an addict. Addiction is something you carry with you for a lifetime. It is a plaugue we're sentenced with for life.

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custodian's picture

Welcome to TSJ. Your public participations are welcome here. 

pearl63's picture

the ways i am powerless- i am powerless over alcohol,& my consupton of it, people places&things.sickness world events.

the ways my higher power keeps me sane.-by me knowing i need to do his will. i read the bible daily, pray meditations.go to meetings,use

spiritually as a means of realize the directions i should go he guides me through princples and insperation.

Qu1f1re's picture

Hi asobermanaw, I hope you don’t mind if I comment on your post please.!

what does “the disease of addiction” mean to me?

to me it means, at one time someone was vulnerable. Someone was alone and hurting. So when those three feelings collided with each other, the results were forever life changing. (For me that is).

the disease of addiction means to me to have no control of any aspect of my life. To not know what the concept of anything means other then, the next time I get to get high again. It means, I’m a mom but then again I’m not a mom or I have family I love but then again I don’t have family I love. It means, to secretly hate myself for the choices I have made that caused me to hurt myself and others. To think about what I have done to myself or others that causes me to squint my eyes, wish I could take everything back that I have done, get angry at myself for all my lies and dishonesty and to hate myself, my lifestyle, my choices and decision making and makes me cry all while I’m in my bed for the night. To me it means to hate everything about the drug and me.!

Thanks asobermamaw.

It only gets worse before it gets better