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relationships are complicated

My friend I been trying to get out of the relationship came by this morning.  I was in Underearners  fellowship time after a phone meeting. when he came. I was reluctant to open the door.  He didn't like cause I took so long.  He came with cat snacks.  I told him I wanted to discuss the other day, and I read him what I had posted here to give him an idea where I was coming from and my seriousness about it..  He thinks I am being harsh and putting him down when I tell him how I feel.  But my needs are important.  I'm not going to allow anyone to drain me emotionally.  This thing happened at the food bank last Thursday and since then I been so disturbed, i have made myself start attending ACOA meetings, and last night I went back to Codependent Anonymous online for a meeting to deal with the relationship and needs not being met.  I am confused  but I know when it comes to me, what I don't want to deal with.  I can't take any bodies problems on. So maybe its me that can't be a friend right now, and I need time to get my head screwed on right, and sort out things for myself.  It would be nice if I could get away from here for a few days.  But I have to get 2 tires for my car, and I have a promissory note of $88 for the teeth extraction I just had.  I was able to call this association that helps low income families, and they going to pay for office visit and xray to get my cat seen, to find out whats up with the leg.  She disappered 2 days last week and came back hopping on 3, and holding the back right up.  It's been serveral days now since Wednesday (the day i had 4 teeth extracted)  but I made contact with this PETS association in town to assist with the care of her.  I talked to the lady on Saturday and we were waiting so she would not be seen during an emergency visit, that would cost so much more.  I don't know what the circumstances is going to be, But I will take her this afternoon for the visit, and I know they going to want a xray.  When I first got her, the person got her out of the motor of a car and brought her to me.  She had to go to the vet because of her leg, which they did surgury on her leg, and the person that gave me the cat, ends up being this person I"m trying to break off the relationship with. Today he brings the cat some snacks.  And he tells me that he is half owner of the cat.  That if he pays for any of her vet billl, he going to keep my cat.  I don't know if he is just mouthing off.  But this is my cat........I think I'll avoid having him help me.....I won't allow him to serve me  by taking care of my pet care.  I first use what other options I have to get her care.  Atleast I know I can get her to the vet.I plan on taking my promissory note to a church and also to salvation army, to see if they can help me financial pay for the dental care I had done.Its to late today to go to Salvation Army, and tomorrow I can go to one of the food banks I can go to monthly get my stuff and then go to the catholic church and see if they can help me, since its been a long long time since I have seeked for their help.I'm going to do some spiritual reading and possible writing....I taken care of self care today by walking for a hour, and taking a shower.  So after 2 pm I will go to vet office and take the cat........ 

inspirationc's picture


custodian's picture

He probably wants you not the cat. Paying for the cat is just an attempt to control you. But this just what I think. .

I see all relationships like mirrors. I am always faced with the decision: either eliminate the relationship OR use the relationship to learn about myself and grow. Lately I was put in that same situation. It seemingly so easy to blame another person especially when they do me wrong but I always have to ask myself: Do you want to keep this pattern repeating itself again in the future? If so, then just keep blaming them. Do you want to grow and move beyond this repeated pattern? If so, thes do your work? Find what I actually want then move on and give myself what I want without having to control the other person or blame them. This is called ownership; I am the only one who have a say over what I feel. .

I am not in any way trying to tell you what best decision for you. It seems you know what you want. You know where you are more than anybody. Do you talk to your sponsor about it? see what she has to say. Do you use your higherpower in your daily activities? See what your HP has to say. .

Good luck with your cat