smoking addiction, relationship addiction, food addiction

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inspirationc's picture
Step Number: 
Moving on
How do I know it's time to move on?

I know its time to move on, when my needs for basic survival are not being met.  When one is not willing to acknowledge my needs, desires.I get stirred up and it reminds me of my childhood.  When lack of affection and intimacy was denied, it brings up the pain and the rejection I felt and all of the distortion that has deverted me from my ultimate potential.

I know I need space to find my authentic self. but some of this involves money and with being a underearner and being financial dependent, it lesses my chance for today.  I don't look at tomorrow being in a hole or closed in a box..  But I see myself emerged from the shell of life beautiful adored.  Not hidden but exposed to goodness of life and its wonders.  I have talents that are gifts given to me by my higher power and some gifts to be discovered.
When I am undermined, I serve not to serve myself less than the best.  I will wait for the moment when it will last, and there won't be confusion, there I find moments of solitude,  peace, and without the friction of changing to satisfy another but change for my authenticity of my self. 

Working on myself to determine what my value is and seeking a refuge for my soul. 

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custodian's picture

Thank you for sharing

TJ's picture

Yes! I had an incident that happened last week.....It reminded me of backwards thinking and it affected me and it affected the relationship with the other person.. I am still sobbing and I am wanting to stay away from the person... because i"m not going to allow them to affect me like I been feeling. I told them, they need to apologize to me. But I don't think I want to accept their apology as it is. i find myself distancing myself from him. I don't like to be told to shut up and especiallly with the f *** in front of shut up. I feel disrespected, dishonored. And there is no allow that person to take out their problems or perceptions on me. I'm not a scapegoat, i didn't cause their problems..........And he got bend out of shape for no reason. It all started when we went to a food bank together. We had gone into this place to get help on food items, which was a church, and there all these people waiting. And he wants to make a public scene. All because I wanted to take some brochures/book/calendar to the car and get my book on deviant children I had been reading (library book). While I went outside, the lady there called my number., I had gone outside to the car to get my book. That was the start of it between him and I.. Cause I was not in there......and I just had to go get that particular book...................and he had to come outside and tell me. He acted like it couldn't wait one it was the end of the world. I have seen that reaction from him before.........and I don't like that behavior I seen. It effects me negativity. And my reaction is to push him the hell away from me........But before I got the keys I had wrestle emotionally with him, to get the keys to the car. I have a hard time cause he doesn't show any emotions whatsoever on his face. Thats what I seen in my father, a lot of anger. a lot of holding things inside of me clamming up, and conforming to his way.
There was nothing wrong with me going and getting my book I was reading. He should not got bend out of shape and I should not have allowed him to make me feel badly. I have needs and wants..........and I be damn if I will allow anyone to try to conform me......He didn't feel like I should have to have that book, he felt I could read one of the things I had in my head. But the truth is, I didn't want to read that, I wanted to read the book that is due back next week......(It's got a due date on it) So I was going to take advantage of the opportunity to get some more pages read. Why do I keep tolerating the same stuff over and over? Why does his reactions bother me so much. I'm trying to keep peace and not cause a scene. And it seems he wanted to make a major crisis in front of people. I am not going to be barred from my privileges by reacting to him and causing a scene........It's best I tell him off, but in private, not in public. Yes! i am po........still and that was Thursday. Why can't I let this go, why am I letting it eat my meals. Why can't I just write it off the list and move on to bigger and better things. Its really not my worry to pretend with.......

inspirationc's picture

I lost a message I sent,,,,,,,,Permalink do you see a message that I left about my bad outing with someone at a food bank.


inspirationc's picture

Permalink are you finding a message that I left...........copy and paste it to the right place,   the acoa   public room,,,,,,,,, I believe I posted it to you and am unable to locate it........


custodian's picture

You were not logged in somehow. I will approve it and it will show in the right place.