my opiate addiction

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Pam's recovery journal's picture
Step Number: 
What am I afraid of about the concept of surrender, if anything? What convinces me that I can't use successfully anymore?

the main thing that convinces me that i cant use sucessfully anymore is the fact that i dont like who i became when i was using. i lied to everyone around me including those whom i loved the most. the fact is that i couldnt even be honest with myself. i became a very selfish selfcentered person. thoughts of pain pills and how and where i could get them flooded my mind. there wasnt any room in my mind ,nor was there time for anything else. i became obsessive and compulsive and very protective over my addiction to opiates. im certin that if i wouldnt have stopped using and entered this program i would have surely died.

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